Character Counts
Introduction by Sara Noon, Managing Director of Membership, US Lacrosse and main article by Richard D. Ginsburg and Dr. Stephen Durant, Ed.D.

Raising our children to have good character is an extremely challenging and critical part of being a parent. Having a child with good character is every parent's dream –a child that can emotionally control themselves and make good rational decisions, a child that knows the difference between right and wrong and makes the right choice. I am drawn to Aristotle’s definition of character which emphasizes a combination of qualities that make an individual an ethically admirable person. Bad character, however, or even lapse in character, is a parent’s worst nightmare, and sadly those are the most highly publicized. Opportunities that influence character development in our children are in every step of their life – school, church, sports, friends, parents. While sports provide a more “hands on” environment for parents to “influence” character development, it does not build character – people do. The following excerpt is another in a series from Dr. Ginsburg’s book Who’s Game is it Anyway. As we parents have this short breather window before fall recreation sports begin (well…some have already started), the below article can help us reflect on how we, as parents, can better utilize sports to build the character of our children.

Character can be defined as “the ability to take rational control of passion or emotion on a consistent and dependable basis.” As parents, we must address the character development of our children. Beyond providing food, clothing, shelter, and affection, our most important job is to teach kids right from wrong. The gift of sound character is the best insurance policy that children can carry into the future.

Organized sports, perhaps more than any other typical childhood experience, with the possible exception of school, provides ample opportunity for the building of character because of the conflict inherent in competition, the necessary enforcement of rules, the threat of losing and the demand to control intensely aroused passions. In our culture, parents are likely to be more directly involved in a child’s sports activities than in the child’s schooling. Sports give us ample opportunity to witness and potentially influence our child’s character development as well as athletic progress. We are there when our 8-year-old son slams his batting helmet against the dugout wall after a strikeout, or when our daughter, a high school senior, loses a bitterly contested tennis match despite bravely mustering her best game ever, or when our Pee Wee hockey player taunts the opposition following a game-breaking goal. What, then, shall we do when events like these occur?

Here is where character comes in. The mastery of any sport requires the consistent control of body, mind and spirit. Over the long haul, success in any endeavor demands the daily application of good habits, or good character traits. As parents, we should encourage our children to attend practice consistently, listen attentively to the coach, adhere to the rules of the game and be a positive and supportive teammate. We should emphasize the importance of sacrificing individual accomplishments for the good of the team and controlling our emotions and behavior in the face of conflict of potential defeat. Finally, we should remind our child of the importance of persevering and overcoming adversity while mastering a difficult skill. Thus, parents simultaneously promote a strong character and improved athletic performance. These goals are a joint endeavor and parents must help a child reach them.

Turning a blind eye when our children indulge in behaviors that disrespect coaches, opponents, officials or fans corrodes the mutual respect that makes the game meaningful. All competition demands that the individual willingly accept the rules and limits of the game. Three strikes and you’re out. Hit the ball into the water and you take a one stroke penalty. Elbow the other player, and you get two minutes in the penalty box. The successful athlete learns to master the body and the emotions. Character helps us master emotions. When emotions get the best of athletes, they quit, take stupid penalties, skip good training habits, cheat to gain an edge, play for the individual glory rather than team goals, and generally lose their control. Poor character equals poor control and ultimately equals poor performance.

Emphasizing commitment to maximum effort, the building of skill and mastery of the game, and the willingness to accept and relish difficult challenges is a sound practice likely to succeed over the long haul. Accurate praise and positive reinforcement, not just for the good plays or successful outcomes but also for virtuous behavior, will build skillful, resilient, confident, coachable team-oriented kids. As sport psychologist, we believe that driving to excel and win in competition is always important. For competition to bring out our best, wanting to win is vital. However, other crucial factors must balance this drive. One of them is character – caring about doing the right thing. But some Americans privately say to themselves, "who knows what ‘doing the right thing’ means for children? We just want our kids to be happy and successful, and in our society that means winning a lot more than losing.” But deep down, we all know we should care about teaching kids to do the right thing. Lack of character education can lead to destructive, even tragic consequences, not just in sports, but in life.

US Lacrosse, Inc. ©2010