Boys and Girls: Similarities and Differences in Sports

Boys and Girls:
Similarities and Differences in Sports

Introduction by Sara Noon with excerpts from Dr. Ginsburg’s book
Whose Game is it Anyway?

When I got to this chapter in Dr. Ginsburg’s book, Whose Game is it, Anyway?, I was totally engaged. With two boys and two girls ranging in ages from elementary to high school, I was a sponge for how boys and girls as athletes mature differently. What I found very interesting in this chapter was how weighted it was toward girls, as they have many more challenges as athletes — the social desire to be lean and slim, but the athletic need for power and strength. My oldest, a girl, I am hoping, has made it safely through the body-conscious stage of adolescence. She outgrew me in 7th grade, which worried me as girls focus so much on size as Dr. Ginsburg points out. But I believe she has learned that her height and strength are critical assets as an athlete. My boys are just hitting adolescence, so I have yet to fully experience that phase of muscle mass and “six pack abs” as Dr. Ginsburg calls it. Whether you have a boy or girl, please read on as there is so much for us to learn as parents to better help and support our children as athletes.

Gender Differences: Nature vs. Nurture

When you compare large groups of boys and girls in athletics, some general differences can be found — boys tend to be more aggressive than girls — yet there are exceptions. Some girls are extremely intent on competition and, in contrast, some boys are gentle and docile. On the whole, however, girls tend to me more in tune with one another emotionally; they demonstrate higher levels of empathy. When this trait is deployed well, girls can be very helpful to one another on the athletic field. Yet girls also tend to be crueler to one another emotionally. Boys for the most part do not develop strong emotional bonds like girls do; they rely less on this type of connection to feel good about themselves or to perform well.

Generalizing about the differences between boys and girls is unwise parenting. Getting to know the unique traits of a particular child – boy or girl – and assessing the child’s strengths and weaknesses will provide more helpful information. In sports, much overlap exists in what boys and girls need from coaches, parents and the athletic experience itself. Differences occur in how boys and girls, and young men and women, approach sports.

Confidence

In general, our preadolescent boys and girls largely get involved in sports to have fun. Confidence becomes an issue when parents, coaches or an older sibling begins to promote the attitude that only winning counts. This teaches children that only when they do win, they matter as human beings. Trouble hits when our kids get the message that sports involvement requires trying to beat out friends and determine whether your parents or coach will find you worthy of attention.

This idea seems to affect our boys and girls a little differently. Our girls tend to develop a highly chronic, critical and typically negative assessment of themselves. This negative thinking can wreak havoc on their confidence. Being a perfectionist and harsh to themselves is common, even among highly competitive girls. These internal struggles can make girls sometimes appear not to try hard enough on the field. Chronic negative self assessment can cause them to lose motivation to compete, simply because they can’t meet their own unrealistic performance expectations. They tend to set the mark so high that a sense of hopelessness overwhelms them, and they believe that their efforts simply will not pay off. These thoughts can zap the fun out of sports.

Coaches and parents can help girl’s confidence by choosing their words carefully when they comment on athletic performance. Both message and tone are important. Specific feedback about skills that need improvement, paired with words of encouragement, can go a long way. Generally, the kinder the tone, the better girls can handle the information. They need to feel respected, and a gentle approach can communicate respect. When our girls feel understood, it frees them up to do their best in sports while feeling more enjoyment and fulfillment in the process.

Both boys and girls struggle to believe in themselves, yet girls have a harder time of it. They tend to blame themselves for their failures or shortcomings. In contrast, boys tend to blame outsiders – their coach or others – for their difficulties. When boys lose confidence, instead of taking responsibility for what they can change or do, they tend to hold others responsible – “the coach hates me.” We can help our sons see that they indeed have some control over their athletic efforts and can regain confidence by trying harder.

Sports-Related Skills

In terms of athletic ability, boys and girls start our very similarly. However, at adolescence, boys tend to become relatively bigger, faster and stronger. How well our boys and girls develop their sports skills depends on how they are coached, their level of interest in and commitment to their sport – which is strongly influenced by what we as parents value – and individual differences in terms of talent. Huge variations in natural skills and abilities exist among people; much of our children’s ability to excel in a specific sport has to do with such individual differences, not gender.

Attitude Toward and Treatment of the Physical Body

Perhaps because of the different expectations of boys and girls in our culture, significant differences in concerns about the body show up in sports. As girls enter adolescence, they tend to focus on their weight and body shape, and this concern affects many women throughout their lives. Girls have far more risk for eating disorders than boys. Our girls in sports face a difficult predicament, particularly those participating in sports that require strength. Girls typically want to remain attractive by mainstream standards. When their sport requires power and strength, girls can become conflicted about whether to train hard and "bulk up” or maintain relatively slim arms, legs and torsos.

By virtue of being an athlete, girls become more aware of their bodies – both how they feel moving within their own skin and how they are assessed socially based on looks. They know that leanness often offsets enhanced performance. Boys are naturally leaner than girls, but when puberty and adolescence kick in, girls gain fat in their legs, hips and breasts. It can be hard for young girl athletes to watch their male counterparts remain lean, yet easily gain muscle mass.

Many high school and college girls starve or undernourish their bodies to get or stay lean, which jeopardizes both their sports performance and their health. Girls at this age are at risk for clinical and subclinical eating disorders. Compared to male athletes, female athletes are at much greater risk for developing disordered eating patterns, which include undereating, fasting and using laxatives and excessive exercising to burn calories and keep themselves as lean as possible. Athletes, both male and female, are at a greater risk for eating disorders than nonathletes are. The main contributors to the development of disordered eating patterns include the athlete’s personality, coach, parents and the demands of the sport.

Male athletes of all sizes and shapes can also face issues related to lean body mass. The expectations of male athletes can be equally difficult to achieve. Though the subject is somewhat taboo, our boys also have high expectations of how lean they should be, and some have a difficult time striving toward the ideal. Other boys tend to be concerned about lack of muscle mass. Wanting to “get big,” they are tempted by and at risk for using performance-enhancing drugs. A study in Massachusetts indicated that approximately 3% of high school boys reported using steroids at least once. Some boys are naturally bigger, thicker and stronger, yet many are overeating or tempted to use drugs to help them achieve a size unnatural for their bodies for both aesthetic reasons and for sports performance. Not only are illegal substances used in the attempt to build up, but health food stores offer shelves of legal products of questionable long-term impact. These include creatine and protein powders that boys and girls use to recover more quickly between workouts, put on more muscle mass and achieve “six pack” abs. While we do not fully understand the negative side effects of these substances on children and adolescents, adult overuse of protein supplements can lead to kidney damage, among other problems. As parents, we need to make sure that coaches or the pressures of the sport don’t make kids modify their bodies in a manner or at a speed that is not healthy. We can’t turn a blind eye to what the coach or sport culture demands. Instead, we can help kids make sensible choices that will help them compete yet keep them healthy.

Styles of Social Interaction and Friendship

How boys and girls relate and function in the social realm is also visible in sports. Boys tend to be more outcome- or task-oriented, whereas girls, though they, too, care about success, tend to primarily focus on relationships with teammates and coaches and on fitness. Because boys tend to be interested in achieving success, they can participate in and enjoy sports whether they like their coach or not. They can be successful on a team, whether they like their teammates or not. However, if given the option, male athletes prefer to engage in the close friendships that sports can inspire. Male athletes can stay focused on the goal of winning, whether they get along with others or not. Further, boys can treat one another more harshly on the field, but when the game is over, they can often drop the grudge – this is rarely the case with girls. Girls tend to be much more relational in nature. If our girls are not getting along with a teammate or a coach, their performance tends to decline dramatically. Girls and young women tend to rely heavily on one another for inspiration, motivation and feeling valued.

Boys and girls can greatly diverge in the area of judgment. Whether because of biochemical differences or socialization, our girls tend to make decisions based on empathy, where our boys make decisions based on what seems to be fair. Our girls tend to tune in to what others feel; this information can be used to help or hurt. Our girls, particularly when younger, make decisions based on what they feel is right rather than what they think is right. In contrast, our boys are more likely to make decisions based on what they think is fair or just. Often, they will not consider how an action will make a friend or teammate feel; what seems right or fair is more important to them.

Older children and preadolescents, both boys and girls, move to making decisions based on what is best for their own group – perhaps their friends or team. Problems can arise here; we need to encourage our kids, particularly boys, to have empathy for teammates and competitors and consider how they may feel when getting taunted or beaten. Girls may need help in thinking about what is fair for all – not just what they want for their best friend, but for the whole team, league or sport itself. Both boys and girls need to cultivate empathy and a sense of justice in order to exercise good judgment.

Overall, a range of differences and similarities characterize girls and boys as they play sports, and considering their general tendencies, hand in hand with individual traits, will help parents nurture both boys and girls in the complex world of athletics.